Author: with smudged lens

Well there there is nothing like going to the eye doctor and it in 2 years your eyes have changed dramatically. I noticed something was going on but thought it was dry eye or allergies or even just being frustrated with learning a new job. Nope. As soon as I got there, I did the one hand over the eye thing and noticed a huge difference in my right eye. It was soooo blurry and it had never been like that before. So the frustration was one eye was working harder than the other one to make up for it. This one isn’t menopause. This one is genetic. And it is every time I go to the eye doctor my eyes get worse. And this isn’t something the doctor can do to get more money. This one is noticeable. Just frustrating. But good at the same time if that makes any sense. All that to say I am getting new glasses today. Which is always fun. I love new glasses day. With this pair you can see more of my eyes which I like – didn’t know that about myself. I thought I wore glasses mainly because contacts make my eyes really tired but also to hide a little bit. I did know that about myself. Anyway, need to get ready for work. Have a good one.

Geez. Sunday morning and that has always been a reflective part of life. Either reading the paper (yes, I am that old – love the Sunday edition of the newspaper) or talking to family or reading/researching. And the latter is what I did today. Being 51, I am the personification of change. My hair, which has always been stick straight, is now curly. CURLY. Don’t change the rules on me mid-life. It is like the Oxford comma. Don’t make changes to things I was taught 40 years ago. My brain can’t handle it. It is too busy remembering 80’s lyrics and my phone number when I was an early teenager. House phone not a cell phone. ANYWAY, I need help in being healthier. And, I believe exercise – yes – good for your overall well-being. Ok, starting that. And now, I think I need help with my cortisol levels. Yes, perfectly aware of the algorithms but in this case I think the math problems that are running our lives might be right. I did read up on it and given where and what and the who’s and …..it might be right. I keep most of my weight in the my middle. And stress and sugar might be the cause of it. Even if they are wrong, it is good idea to lower your stress and reduce your sugar. Now, with that said, I don’t eat a lot of sugar – but in this experiment of mine (called my body) – I know what I am eating probably hides a lot of it. I love yogurt…not the low fat ….the regular GREEK one with the fruit on the bottom. NOW, in my defense, I do eat it with natural granola and blueberries. Because I know myself and if you put regular plain greek yogurt in my fridge, it will stay there, untouched. So, what do I do? I think keep it – it has a lot of protein. Or, I go with the protein shake but there again – I have to like it in some way. You can’t have any flavor and expect this 51 year old who has always had a weight problem to jump up and down at something that has no taste or is horrible (in both looks and taste). Because I know my brain and it will say nuh uh. Then, it will looks for something else. And that is when I need to have something else – good for me – to eat. Er go, the fruit at the bottom probably swimming in sugar alternative. All this to say – it is hard. Not impossible but hard. I naturally don’t want to think about every aspect of my life. I want something things to just be easy. But, what I am learning is the more you do it, the easier it will be. Or the more natural it will become. No coffee. Ok…I think I can do this one. Iced tea without sweetener. Not sure on that one – would rather just have water with lemons. There you go! Look at me learning on the fly.

Go Me!

Laura

Good morning. Today is day 2 of me waking up early. A goal I have had since I can remember. Every productivity blog, article, book says you need to get up earlier. You will be amazed at how you feel and how much you get done they say. Well, I have to admit – you can knock one thing off – getting up early.

It is amazing at almost 51 and how much you can change. My body is chang-ing. I was lucky enough to never have any aches and pains going up – except maybe headaches. But that was it. Now out of the blue one morning – my knees and ankles definitely said oh no we are definitely 50!

My mindset is changing although my mood sometimes is crabby. I don’t care what people think anymore but damn it if stop your cart in the middle of an aisle – so you can read a label. My gestures are impatient to put it mildly. Yes please stop all of the rest of us trying to buy flour while you take your sweet ass time reading how many calories are in a box of pop tarts. Too many! Move on! Lord. No one has a sense of their surroundings anymore. On the other hand I do love people. Well – stop that, reverse it – most people.

The other not so great thing about getting older – aging parents. Seeing them fragile is hard. Like really hard. You know it is going to happen – everyone gets older but you don’t realize (or I didn’t) the mental toll it would take on you. But I want to be there for them so you gotta suck it up and do it (and then cry/sulk later). Just a weird place to be. But I am grateful i still have them .

Laying here waiting….I have a procedure tomorrow to see what is going on with my esophagus. I burp. I gurgle. And sometimes I throw up. Not all of the time but enough to where I cough at night when I lay down to go to bed. And I have since November. And yes as you can imagine it sucks.

So turning 50 is amazing in a lot of ways. My give a shit meter as at an all time low – which is great. But physically I am a mess. My allergies are getting worse (and I keep putting off shots). This coughing and then I had to go to one of those ERs on the corner because I woke up in so much back pain. Come to find out – 2 bulging discs in my lower back. And my spine is narrowing down there too. Fun! Who knew, right? Well now I might if PT doesn’t work have to have a spine doctor. Yap. Hello 50! But I refused to be the kid in the scooter at Walmart because of something I did or didn’t fix when I could. No! Fuck that! I will be my great grandmother and get into her trees and prune them from the inside out at 94. Ok well we will see how tomorrow goes. May the odds be ever in your favor. lb